3-0-0 is only 3 numbers
no meaning to it.
it's really meaningless to find the true meanings in life
i thought we are back
until towards the end..
why just cant i have a normal relationship,
just two being together,
doing those basic things that a couple would do.
i just find it so annoying when...
forget it..
some things just cant do anything about it..
sigh..

should i meet him tmr?
why did i took off for a useless day
& i thought u morning shift..
who knows..8pm..
haiis...

gonna stone the whole day.

just woke up, headache sia
actually went study with Hajar ytd
for 6 hours!
slacked with ZY & friend after that

working later at 1pm
meeting him for dinner later?
hmmmm....

watching 下一站幸福 on PPS
whole day stoning at home
going to meet Hajar later on to revise all the skills

i've decided not to think about anything anymore
can i act as if i've gone through a period of memory lost?
i want to stop being so dumb
dumb to the extend that i harm myself again
last night is the last night tat i'm there
i was dumb to think of waiting for u to finish work at 11pm!
really dumb to wait so long for everything!
HAHAHA!
& thanks to CP & ZY for acc-ing me last night (:

i'm not going to work on saturday..
haven told my manager yet..
hais.plan so much also no use.
stoning time on sat!!
going out soon.sian..

home alone
watching another taiwan drama again
i'm being a good girl at home today
helping with the houseworks
i've vacuumed & mopped the floor,
try to tidy up a little..
cooked bubor hitam!!
& helping mummy prepare the dinner

hajar came over just now
she just got back from indonesia & she bought me a sunglass!
so sweet of her ((:
planning to buy her her marie for her birthday/

i requested not to work this sat
thinking that probably we could spend time together
but no, you're working.
thanks man.
yes, i admit i'm disappointed.
but do you give a damn?
so i'm gonna stone at home, wait for u to finish work?
great! -__-
now, should i ask to work on sat?

sunday i'll be at a temple in Bishan
finally get to see my aunts & cousins (:

i just found out something..
something which is not supposed to be there
or it has been there all along
just that i chose to believe you?

i really hated myself
i cant act as if nothing happened
although it happened long ago, it is already the past
but i just cant forget..
i wanted to do something
but each time i talk to you...
hais...
you wanted to come over for dinner tmr
because of?

no idea what to write further...

was looking through some cook books while mum uses the com for her Bejeweled.
i wanna do desserts!!
those yummy pies + cakes + eggg tarts + whatever you can think of!!
but i think i better stick to my Bubor hitam
cos i only noe how to cook tat!
shall buy some herbs to cook herbal tea tmr

i finally bought a note book!
hmmm..wonder when will i start writing those darned stuffs into it
continue playing facebook games!
i need sleep but i dont care!

no idea how to write chinese here
like i've always said: i'm a computer idiot!
well, i'm watching this taiwan drama [Loving Days]
it's about this guy who marry because of money matters
just when they are about to divorce,
he was given a chance to go back in time, to change his past
so he went back to try to change but it was worst then before.
he was very childish & did lots of stuffs which hurt his family
he didnt want a kid, so when he learnt that his wife went for abortion without his knowledge, he went back in time for the last time to amend his mistakes.
he finally worked hard to get the 'xin fu' life he want (:

it's going 2am already!!
already super tired from work
the past 2 days was so cold tat even jacket was useless!
luckily i wore long sleeved, though didnt help much, but i'm lucky i didnt freeze to death! :P
been having Burger King during break
plus the BK meal i had with him for dinner
NO MORE BK FOR ME!!!
hmmm...seriously nothing to say to him
lack of communication....

should i work HP during wkday as well?
though it's only $5/hr?!
like super little right?
but after 12april..i'll be starting my geron posting for 4 wks & PRCP after that..
i have no time to work!!!
& i need the money!! SOBS...

ohoh.got to start writing that darn 'skills book'
tired..i need rest..

one day of work
was raining today.so super cold at work
got to sleep early..
waking up at 8pm?
i'm so lazy to work tmr!!
after work meeting him ba....
or should i meet friend go chill?

just got my wee little pay
got to bank in first..
should i use it for my bike pract first or
buy myself a shoe & a bag?
hmmm...
ya ya i should be slping..
but i cant resist watching the taiwan drama
LUCKY DAYS is nice((:

is everything too late?

you wont be coming over.
and i dont want you to lie to your mother..
we have lesser time together already..
GET USE TO IT WENDY!

i'm working on both weekends..
probably will ask to work on monday & tuesday..
wednesday & friday going tanjong pagar work..
hopefully i can get my pay on friday..
I'M SUPER BROKE!!!!!

home alone.
everyone has their own activity today..
it's raining...& i'm home alone, watching taiwan drama..
& emoing...

i wonder what is takes to keep a relationship going...
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i read thursday's newspaper..
[Stubbing out saves arteries]
Kicking the habit can only do smokers good - no matter when they choose to di it. It could even improve artery health.
A new study has shown that a year after quitting, smokers' arteries showed signs of reversing a problem that can set the stage for heart disease.
The improvement came even though smokers gained an average of 4.5kg after they quit, researchers found. Their levels of good cholestorol improved too.
Smoing is one of the top causes of heart disease and long-time smokers are uasually motivated to give up only after they have had a heart attack.
BLAH BLAH BLAH....
very lazy to type out the entire article
going smoke free for 3 months plus
i admit that sometimes i almost wanted to start back again..
you know..peer pressure..sometimes sadness can led to me thinking bout smoking..
NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!
i'm not going to start smoking again!

is it the weather or is it my mood?
why is it already so glomy when it's only 5.30pm?
waiting for his reply..hais..

am i in the wrong?
i'm left with this question since my previous post.
he came over after work or 'work'
had his sleep for bout 6 hours..
left already...dinner with his parents?
& 'work' after tat?

i want to stop crying
crying like an idiot
even though i dunno whether it's true or not
it's very tiring being together with you..
stop calling me baby & all
i'm not as good as the other girls..
not worthy enough for you.
i just wish i caould leave you...

i shouldnt start this post at all..
but i really wanted a place so write it down...

i'm such a bastard, i know..
but i really cant help it..
& i cant help it if i were to imagine lots of useless stuffs..
i wonder if he has been telling me the truth all these while..
that he really hates rebel
that he is really doing his night shifts...
or is he saying tat he hate tat place so that i wont go there?
or using work as an excuss to go have some real fun...
what is it that u wan from me?
true love? or someone who can satisfy your needs?
DAMN IT! I'M NOT A PROSTITUTE!
why cant you just let me go,
& find yourself a girlfriend who can satisfy ALL YOUR NEEDS!!!
whay cant you just let me go,
why cling on to this relationship when we're going nowhere?
why cant you just let me go,
let me have the happiness that i want.

you wan to club,
you go ahead.
i know you cant resist your friends.
you want someone to satisfy your needs,
i wont be the one ANYMORE.
please go find someone else.
be a player if you must,
at least you can get what you want.
you dont long for a serious relationship anyway.

if 3 years is too long to end this relationship
why not end it now.
hate me if you must,
i dont want you to hate me if anything happens in future.
we dont belong to each other in the first place.

playing some kuku FB games..
finally my 4 weeks of break has come to accompany me!!
after 2 weeks in ED & OT, plus work on wkends
i'm dead tired!!
was supposed to work at TP today but my boss suddenly have something on so changed to thurs..
acc-ed sheree to NYP to do her drop her package thingy..
picked up aunt & cousin at Hougang before heading to Ehub
kbox-ed from 2pm till 7pm..

thinking of working tmr..
got to get my damn pay to pay for my phone bill plus bike practs
hais..
somehow..alrights..not working tmr..
so i shall stone at home
tidy my forever-messy-bed..
oh i'm slping on my brother's mattress(on the floor)
so my bed is left with my clothes, books, bags & TRASH!!!
got to start doing that 'skills book' which i've been THINKING bout it for MONTHS!!
& that drug guide too..
wonder how long will i take to finish both

i get to enjoy my stoning until 12 April
after which, i'll be having attachment all the way till august!
& WALA!! I"M A STAFF NURSE!!
was thinking bout the various disciplines & wondering which one should i go into if i really wan to specialize in it & get an advance dip.
i know it too early to say bout advance dip or whatever shit but still..
i need to have at least one year of practice in that area..
so.......is OT a good place for me?
hmmm...'no wendy it's too cold for you'
why not..sign up with SAF?!((:

days without using the com...
i find tat i can dont use the com!
but obviously when it's a fri night..i use la..
OT's fun (:
had the opportunity to see scrub, to observe many cases..
some nurses & docs are good..esp tat particular doc..LOL!
& i saw an amputation!!
erm..i dont think i can write out the name of the operation here right?
anyways, other than it's freaking cold in dere, I LOVE THE PLACE!!!
probably one of my choice if i were to join as a SN.

working tmr at vivo.SUPER SIAN!
i'm telling my manager at i cant work dere anymore..
prob. for another 2 or 3 weeks..
cos i need a rest before the geron posting starts!!

work starts at 1.30pm tmr.
got to replenish my sleep now!

the flu bug is here!
ED is real cold!! FREEZING COLD!!
ED=Emergency Department, only seen few cases of collapsed patients.
9 of us, being allocated our stations
& so sway tat each time i'm stationed at Nurse's Station or Resuscitation room either the CIs/lecturer wants to have a word with us or that it's too early that there are only minor cases.
in resuscitation room i only encountered 2 cases of near collapse case, but both i din have the chance to perform CPR
i guess i would have made things worse if i had been involved.
Did lots of ECGs @ Nurse's Station.
no chance for dressings, T&S, catheterisation & other procedures.
super sway that the NYP lecturer is the same shift with me throughout the week!
& she's always picking on me!
everything i do, she wants to know, wants to intervene.
glad tat today is the last day in ED!
however, it's a place where lots of critical thinking has to be displayed
the ever-new cases amaze me, the pace is pretty acceptable
it's just the thinking process part!
i can be super slow in reacting to the last word spoken to me!
RESUSCITATION ROOM!!
pretty good place to work in(:

Oh..was a little disappointed with myself last night(wednesday)
went for revision & pract 5..
thought i would pass this time round.
but...I FAILED!! @ immediate failure & 10 demerit points):
& there's this malay girl..she did it for the first time & PASSED!!!
~!@#$%^&*()(*&^^^%$R#W@!~
*seriously thinking whether to give up the pract or not*

super + ultra + crazily TIRED!
backaching, ankle fucking pain(foot stucked when i fell from bike), brain temporarily on standby mode, eyes closing anything...
i've yet to do complete my case study!!
& i have my individual dunno what topic to find!
SBARR & T&S! HOW IN THE WORLD CAN I START THE PRESENTATION ON T&S?!?!
drawing stars on the paper which i wrote my research on...
URGHX!
nothing left to keep me going..
no more support from friends...
it's so mentally torturing, physically strained during attachments
& my 2 other jobs...
can i just give everything up?
can i just live the simple life that i want?

those thinkings...just so impossible...

keep going...until u hold it no more..

let go of your tears..dont hold it back...

let your words out...open your mouth...

dont be afraid to say how you feel...

you've lost everthing...there's nothing more for you to lose...

but you know you cant...

just cry, wendy....