cant write chinese here...
planning to change to other blogging webby

our relationship has changed
not better...for the worse...

we quarrelled over the smallest things, quarrelled over unrelated humans..
ya all my fucking fault?!
why does it always have to be my fault?
just bcos i'm [xiao hai zi]?!
any idea how much it hurts to hear that from u?
say u are different from him? SHIT YOU!
say u already forgotten her? DAMN! I DONT BELIEVE A SHIT!
u should be concerning bout me now
yet...at this point of time...
u responded to her post on facebook...
so what if she's sick?
Soo what she was your girl & is your friend now?!
Who is more important to you?

All along im just the fugly little thing u got to play with
dont tell me those things u did are proves that u really love me
I DONT FUCKING BELIEVE IT!
Things can be made up, feelings can be acted up,
LOVE CAN BE FUCKING FAKED OUT!

if u really loved me..u would have done something to the GOD DAMNED book & cards & the ring & every single thing about her!!
DONT GIVE URSELF REASONS!
Just admit that u still love her..that i'm just a substitute.

I dont want any promises from u.
i dont want those promises...
bcos the love is not valid.


Cause you wouldnt care.

i think i'll be here more frequently, shall replace blog as dairy..
of cos the blog will be private-ed soon.

early morning quarrelled..
is it really my fault?
u always dont seem too care much..
but this time ur appt u kept rushing me..
ya i noe my [ya la ya la] annoyed u..
but...u kept rushing me when i just woke up!
plus u always say i [fa pi qi] when i am not..
tats y my tone also not tat good..
den keep asking u leave...hais..

u msged at 1057..
im not angry..
just still cant understand why we are like this..

things have been the same..
work...daily life...rls...
we went too fast...
insecurities cant leave me now..
& u cant do anything to take it away...
i cant believe...

had a bad dream last night!
dreamt something terrible happened to us!
erm....
arugued ytd...again...hais...
the 3rd day we nvr meet le..
will today be the 4th day?

going down to cdc to retake my rtt
& i haven read yet!!
TIRED!!

i've disappeared for a month now i notice..
many many have had happened
i cant rmb every single thing, the exact thing
but here & there...these things make my heart ache..

we've gone past our 2nd month, into the 3rd..
but things appear to be the same..
not really stagnant though.
so far, i've seen his family & some of his friends
oh recently went to his company's bbq too.

this relationship is what i always wanted
to be accepted by the parents & friends..
but why am i not at all happy?
in fact, i still cry almost every single day..
just to make myself tired & fall aslp..

i cant let go of ur past..i am clinging on to it so tightly that i find myself fucking annoying!
i hate this wendy. FUCKING HATE THIS WENDY!
i really cant let go..
to the point whereby i wanna let u go so tat i cant let ur past go too..
i'm very bothered bout ur past..bothered bout ur current?
bothered bout our future...
bcos i bother..i cant see myself fulfilling that dream tat we have..

ya u are not bothered.
as if i believe!
those things u still kept..the cards the letters..the ring...
why can u throw away the (black) ring so effortlessly but not the one u have with sf?
I'M BOTHERED BOUT IT!!
i will return the book + cards/letters to u soon..
without u knowing obviously..
& im sorry..i've been trying my best not to let myself get to affected...
i cant go back to be the wendy u first noe.
just let me act as if i dunno anything
but not act as if i hadnt seen anything.
tat's why they say.. curiousity kills the cat.


[Girls never tell a guy not to leave you in anyway, but tell yourself you should nv leave your life for a guy in any way,]

Someone told me: "when both love each other, they understand each other, they give and take, they think of his/her partner first before thinking for herself/himself"

Trying my ultimate best to do so..