home at 8pm on a saturday night.

things didnt go as well as i planned, it got worse!
Well,i met up with Hajar at Bugis ytd(friday).
wanted to u-turn home cos i felt giddy + nausea when the train reached Aljunied.
Still..met Hajar, she had her BK burger while i ate salad -.-
den jalan jalan..

wanted to surprise Guy at his place
so i didnt tell him that i went over..
tabao-ed porridge, waiting for him...
finally he end work (early)...but he's going out again for supper with his friends.
Who said he would come home early to acc me if i stay at his place?
ALL BULLSHIT!!
ignored him when he came back to change.
joan jie & huiling jie went out to smoke...i went to do the test..
totally lost.....what should i do?

waited for him to reach home..
from 0015 he left...till 0225...
for 2 hours he ate.... ):

He came back he hugged me tight, & he wanted sex. But i refused.

He finally finished work. And of cos i'm happy for him that he finished his long hours. So i asked him to go home rest early. I swear at that point of time i already forgotten that he had lots of explainations when he gets home. And of cos he misunderstood my intentions. Shant be nice to him anymore? And shant wait for him to end work already.

Nights, world.

It's monday, his afternoon shift week.
Waiting for him to end work & reach home.
Woke up late today, printed the application form & completed it. Mummy drove me down to NSC, reached dere 20 mins early. But due to the mutiple waitings, i ended around 1425.
Mummy was at Whampoa food centre when i called, so she tabao-ed desserts for us. Went to nyp to fetch sheree. Wanted to get my wedges + nuggets from south canteen. Mummy dropped me near south but i lost my way to the canteen. I only realised i was at the 1st floor when i saw the lift open & it shows level 1. Din manage to get my food due to long queue but i did get my green apple green tea (:

Stoned at home when i got back, using lappy till dinner time. Den lappy again after, till now.

Gonna be a pretty boring week again.

cant write chinese here...
planning to change to other blogging webby

our relationship has changed
not better...for the worse...

we quarrelled over the smallest things, quarrelled over unrelated humans..
ya all my fucking fault?!
why does it always have to be my fault?
just bcos i'm [xiao hai zi]?!
any idea how much it hurts to hear that from u?
say u are different from him? SHIT YOU!
say u already forgotten her? DAMN! I DONT BELIEVE A SHIT!
u should be concerning bout me now
yet...at this point of time...
u responded to her post on facebook...
so what if she's sick?
Soo what she was your girl & is your friend now?!
Who is more important to you?

All along im just the fugly little thing u got to play with
dont tell me those things u did are proves that u really love me
I DONT FUCKING BELIEVE IT!
Things can be made up, feelings can be acted up,
LOVE CAN BE FUCKING FAKED OUT!

if u really loved me..u would have done something to the GOD DAMNED book & cards & the ring & every single thing about her!!
DONT GIVE URSELF REASONS!
Just admit that u still love her..that i'm just a substitute.

I dont want any promises from u.
i dont want those promises...
bcos the love is not valid.


Cause you wouldnt care.

i think i'll be here more frequently, shall replace blog as dairy..
of cos the blog will be private-ed soon.

early morning quarrelled..
is it really my fault?
u always dont seem too care much..
but this time ur appt u kept rushing me..
ya i noe my [ya la ya la] annoyed u..
but...u kept rushing me when i just woke up!
plus u always say i [fa pi qi] when i am not..
tats y my tone also not tat good..
den keep asking u leave...hais..

u msged at 1057..
im not angry..
just still cant understand why we are like this..

things have been the same..
work...daily life...rls...
we went too fast...
insecurities cant leave me now..
& u cant do anything to take it away...
i cant believe...

had a bad dream last night!
dreamt something terrible happened to us!
erm....
arugued ytd...again...hais...
the 3rd day we nvr meet le..
will today be the 4th day?

going down to cdc to retake my rtt
& i haven read yet!!
TIRED!!

i've disappeared for a month now i notice..
many many have had happened
i cant rmb every single thing, the exact thing
but here & there...these things make my heart ache..

we've gone past our 2nd month, into the 3rd..
but things appear to be the same..
not really stagnant though.
so far, i've seen his family & some of his friends
oh recently went to his company's bbq too.

this relationship is what i always wanted
to be accepted by the parents & friends..
but why am i not at all happy?
in fact, i still cry almost every single day..
just to make myself tired & fall aslp..

i cant let go of ur past..i am clinging on to it so tightly that i find myself fucking annoying!
i hate this wendy. FUCKING HATE THIS WENDY!
i really cant let go..
to the point whereby i wanna let u go so tat i cant let ur past go too..
i'm very bothered bout ur past..bothered bout ur current?
bothered bout our future...
bcos i bother..i cant see myself fulfilling that dream tat we have..

ya u are not bothered.
as if i believe!
those things u still kept..the cards the letters..the ring...
why can u throw away the (black) ring so effortlessly but not the one u have with sf?
I'M BOTHERED BOUT IT!!
i will return the book + cards/letters to u soon..
without u knowing obviously..
& im sorry..i've been trying my best not to let myself get to affected...
i cant go back to be the wendy u first noe.
just let me act as if i dunno anything
but not act as if i hadnt seen anything.
tat's why they say.. curiousity kills the cat.


[Girls never tell a guy not to leave you in anyway, but tell yourself you should nv leave your life for a guy in any way,]

Someone told me: "when both love each other, they understand each other, they give and take, they think of his/her partner first before thinking for herself/himself"

Trying my ultimate best to do so..

finally our 1st month have passed.
lots & lots to say but,
rushing for school now.HAIS.
tomorrow ba.

it sucks not being able to sleep well.
had a hard time to fall asleep last night, woken up few times & this morning some irritating alarm keep buzzing & buzzing!!
how can someone be as PIG as her?!
YAWN!!
hais.lots of things i just dunno how to say....
got to go work soon, meeting mum's friend for lunch first (:

back to my nest not long ago.
been sticking with him the whole afternoon
wasnt a pleasant couple-ly time tgt though.
he came to fetch me to The Cathay to watch [Grown Ups] - a show i find it stupid.
all the way throughout the journey to The Cathay he didnt utter a single word.
after the show went walk around town, esp taka.
he ordered snow skin mooncake for his godma.
wanted to pay for it but..i think i should settle my stuffs first..
went in malaysia at 11plus..
ate LokLok..like super nice!!
oh ya..he bought drink for us( green tea for me)
im not going to drink green tea again cos his ex also love green tea
yeah it's childish but still...
we had some arguements again...
so on the way back he was totally pissed, kept quiet & ignored me all the way!
sigh..
only when we're outside my house, only then he said everything that he is unhappy about...
Suddenly i feel super bad towards him..
hmmm..we're fine now (:
probably meeting him in the evening tmr..
hope he's home now.
sorry that he always have to drive home alone in the middle of the night.

i wont be writing anything on my fb wall anymore
using fb mainly for games
& yes, it's bcos of him.
i cant tell him anything & he says i rather write my stuffs on fb than to tell him!

it's his DO today
he wants to go malaysia & till now im waiting for him!
but his sis using the car..hais
though im still having doubt..
but should i cab down to his place now?

finally the burden on my left hand fourth finger is off!
been ttm again..
i took all the cards+book from him, given by his ex..
& yea i been reading that darned book!
every single details written in that book..
&..he's not telling me the truth..
till now..everything he has done is same as *him.

i find myself unable to tell him anything now.
how i feel bout him, bout our relationship..
in fact, i can tell no one.

he's being mad at me for constantly refusing to tell him anything,
instead i post my feelings out on FB & apparently he dislike me doing it.
now everything i do, even the thought of u..i will think bout her..
i dont wan to do the same thing she did for u...

oh fucking god!
FML!! Cant u let me remind single for the rest of my cursed life?!

21 days.
we've been all over singapore,
talked about everything,
everything.
But have we really talked bout everything?
Or have u been really truthful bout everything?

I dont want the world, I just want you.

Desperate need of everything!

thoughts constantly flow through my mind
why would u love me so suddenly.
why would u love me so much..
how long would that sudden love last..

Poh says:
*you cannot judge now, becoz you just get to know him
*you are unsure whether is he truthful as his only get to know you and asked you to be his gf
*he might do this to other girl as well
*so the sense of unsecurity is quite strong now
*correct?!
*lol

hmmm...he got that spot on! damn!

*what i mean is truth self
*is the personality and character really like this
*i mean at the start of the r/s, everything will be sweet
*but if he isnt serious, then when time passes, you will know de

i really wonder how long it will last..

i know u really did alot for us..
but i cant help but ttm every single second..

been tgt for 2 weeks(:
though we meet almost everyday
laogong i really still cant believe your love..

尧 says:
*i din hide u from my parents
*i din hide u in my closet
*i juz intro u to my parents
*to my godma
*to my frens lo
*i where got scare of letting dem know your existance like tt Marcus

Laogong..
i always use to say.. everything u said or did is the same as him
but now..
your words, your actions...made me speechless..
though i cant help but ttm..

2 weeks
we did eveything tgt
u promised me everything
we have our rings
we are already laogong & laopo.
i want us to last.
Time will tell.
i want to tell you i love you.

things isnt going smooth
or maybe..it's just as expected?
cant expect much from guys ya?
they are just so alike!

now that attachments are over, i'm gonna get a job real soon
but which kind i'm not sure.
i need the god damn money!
to pay back whatever i owe him
yeah.thanks to me, his car is down & worse now!

i wanna cook some pies!
but i wanna laze around some time first.. :P

Finally finish my PRCP,
finally no more being a student.
have to wait til the school settles our transcript & stuffs
meanwhile i just have to get a part time job.
perharps relief teacher in my mum's sch? LOL
or am i going to slack all the way?
i wanna go back to f&b! but for only 2 to 3 months?
hmmm...

no time to change new blogskins or all the contents.
will find time to do it asap.

Barely a week into our relationshp,
yet it seems like we've been tgt for months.
Meeting almost everyday..
mj-ing at your friend's place..
we need to understand each other more definately
otherwise u would say i cheat u.
perhaps like u said, we just started our honeymoon...

Our first quarrel,over a small matter
waited for your msg but u fell asleep..
ya i know u are tired..
but still..who wouldnt get pissed?

there are things that i dont like.
but what to do? No point saying.
You have your life, I have mine.

I keep having this thinking..
that i'll play along if u want me to.
It's really hard to trust guys' words again.

i dont want things to repeat itself again.
i'm just afraid dear.

start of a new life
i dont know how my life will be.
self-degrading or th opposite.

I'm attached now.
To Ng Yao.
I'm trying to start anew.
Happiness or pain.
Just hope everything will be different.
Everything from you is truthful.

Yao, u will be my only love.

In 2 more weeks I'll be finishing my PRCP..
but will i be able to pass?
everything hasnt been going well at work or EVERTHING.
severly depressed this few days
i need some antidepressant + drugs for my insomnia!!

my mind emptied since that day
or should i say even before tat - probably when we kept meeting up..
i need a person to talk & u were there..
u are one special person to me.
it hurts me the way we are now.
in anyway, i'm sorry.

i realy wanna be drunk!
i wanna experience again that kind of pain.


2 more weeks.
night shift next week.

u are really affecting my life.

been years since i've blogged.
i'm into my 7th week of PRCP already i think
but i'm still nowhere near the expected standards
pretty much fed up with life recently
no-talking quarrels/arguements/bickerings with bf
it's really hard for us to be back to normal already..
main problem: lack of understanding & communication.

i'm getting less & less patient when it comes to work
i meant in the ward..
i'm sorry i couldnt control myself, sorry that i hit my patients.
no carer, pitiful, demented...i'm sorry..

am i really fit to be a nurse?
i think not.
i used to think that i'm patient/family-orientated
but little things that happened can make my mood change..
i dunno..just dont deserved to be called STAFF NURSE.

i'm very troubled now!
everything i want is impossible already!
i know i cant leave
but what's the point of me staying? Or leaving?
it'll still be back to ZERO for me..

u'll be going to her bdae celebration tmr right?
i have no say in whatever you do.
have fun...

been busy with attachments, no time to blog!
had a rather long weekend after my morning shift on thurs.
met his colleages for dinner - steamboat at Bugis.
Super uncomfortable just sitting there eating..
no common topic...
sent me home after dinner
disappointed...
wasted my friday stoning at home
went out only at night, for dinner with family.
walked around Parkway Parade for awhile..
thought of buying watch...
was jioed to club..but..haiis..
whole night didnt get to sleep
was webcamming with WS until 5 plus am.
bought mac home for yang, sis & me
met WS at simei at close to 4pm, trained down to ciy hall.
walked around Suntec, did my stuffs, went looking for Dylan's present..
got to go down Suntec again to collect stuffs.
walked for so long but din managed to buy anything for Dylan):
but i bought a polo for daddy(:
Thanks WS for acc-ing me walk around ((:
Wendy was back.
like finally let free, once again..
if i could go back to that time, i want to go!

Sigh.it's just tomorrow..
i know i'm going to be disappointed again.
For sure....
i've waited a year for it.
i know i will get nothing..
just a cheap, simple one..NO! i will get none!
i'm prepared to be disappointed, but...it still will hurt ALOT!
your stubborn-ness will really kill me one day.
i swear i'll go mad because of you!
i dont belong to your world.
money, power, whatever shit, I DONT BELONG THERE!
I DONT CARE ABOUT THOSE LIFE!
i care about my own life.
being with you is not the life i want anymore.
Forgive me, your not understanding girlfriend.

tomorrow is also the day which marks my first day taking on cases!
i really hope i'll do well.
pardon me for making small mistakes,
pardon my forgetfullness,
pardon communication skills,
pardon my clinical knowledge & reasoning &
pardon my medications.
i am really trying hard to improve all these.
i really want to do my best to be an awesome nurse.
i want to do my part for other people's love ones.
please pray that i wont screw up my entire posting.
i cant imagine what will happen if i fail my PRCP.
next DO on is this coming wed.
meeting fidah(: will everything be alright?

Forgive me, till now i still cant stop TTM.
i really hate it when i am prepared for disappointments yet i am so badly affected.

spent 3/4 of my first DO stoning at home
folding all those darned clothes that has been on the sofa for ages!

met him at Raffles City, had dinner at Shokudo( spelt correctly?)
walk around post-dinner
headed back to simei for Starbucks.
stoned there till bout 11, see him board bus before i came home.

im really unsure bout us.
i was really hoping to enjoy the evening with you..
but..i just dunno why..
we planned to meet at city hall, u were at RC's basement when i reached
alright..
i decide the meeting place, u decide the food.
im not that keen to have jap food but seeing u wanted to try, so ya we went in.
was pissed already, and u took super long to get your food.
alright..nevermind..
i felt bad when your food went cold while waiting for mine
& seeing that u made sure the food isnt hot before giving me..
window shopping at RC is alomst same as at Ion
oh yes, im cheap from head to toe, so why bother going places with those high end shops.
that's your heaven, my restricted area.

i dont want u to smoke so waited for bus with you.
i guess, it doesnt help much.
oh ya, which bf will quit smoking for the sake of his gf.
other guys might, definitely not mine.
maybe cos im really not his ultimate one.
Love, is nothing but merely a word.

u wanted to call, but u said u wanted to rest early..
im sorry but i felt kinda sad.
both of us working in the afternoon tmr(or today) & i start work early..
i would sacrifice my sleep to talk to you for hours.
ya thats me if i can. & im not saying u would.
perhaps im really taking up too much of your time
maybe now 15 mins to you is already long enough.
i really dont know how many times im saying this, but i think u really dont need me.
unsure of your feelings, even after so long together..
still feeling so insecure, even after so long together..
i rather cry for that one or two months..than to cry every other day for the rest of the time we are together..
you dont care, isnt it?

your mummy received the card already..
i guessed u've seen it too?
i could only think of those to write.
but it wasnt really what i wanted to write initially.
i was so scared that i would write anything wrong
worrying about this & that..
but you dont care!
why would i even bother to write a card to your mother?
oh fuck! im crying again!

anyways, graduation is over.
been looking at their photos, envy only..
it's so sad not being able to graduate with NR0720 ( especially with fidah & shida)
i really miss them so much, i would have been a solo ninja throughout my 3 years if not for them. but i guess it's all fated
& that i'm too dumb to fail that bloody french becos of the lecturer!
at least they once accompanied me walk to this far...THANK YOU(:
congratulations to shida, officially a NYP graduate
may everything goes well for you in future(:

afternoon shift later on
Hajar afternoon too!
hopefully get to meet her at the busstop after work.
it's really depressing not to see my friends at work..
i dont have anyone to talk to already..
i heard one can aggrevate the cancer cells if he/she always bottle things up.
OMG! cant i die from other illness other than cancer?!

it's getting late, 02:26AM!!
zombie tmr..hais..

i've been getting more & more irritable recentlu
due to PMS? probably..
raised my voise to one elderly in the afternoon
he insisted on getting down when he cant walk unassisted!
shouted at him when he suddenly turned aggressive.
luckily he will be transferring out by the time i start shift on thurs

doing junior(ENs)'s work this 3 weeks
even though it's EN's work, it's freaking tiring!
bathing, changing, feeding, dressing, parameters& charting all!!!
salute them!
8 more days of being a junior!

waited for him to finish work again
his messages, his calls...
talked less than 5 mins, cant wait to put it down.
just dont call if you're really that tired!
& yes, no idea why this few days, weeks i talk to him i will feel so F up
tmr my off, he working morning. but until 7pm. is it really a must to do OT?
you're only there for attachment lor!
sunday u off, but i working at hush.
even if im not working, dont think we can meet in the morning/afternoon also right?
if im not working, bet i'll grumble again..
cos u didnt even think of planning to let me meet your mum!
i'm such a disgrace to you right?!
sigh.i want to stop all these stupid things that i'm doing for us.
xin hui yi leng...
ever wonder how sour your heart can get?
or how can one sudddenly feel pressure over the heart, cant breath in?
i just cant do anything to help that.

You dont belong to me, & I dont belong to you.
As much as i want to belong to you...I cant..cos you dont allow.
NOTHING to show that we belong together.
That NOTHING i will not wait any longer..
just waiting for you to let go.
i cant let go if you dont.
why cant you just let me leave?

Fetching him from work tmr.or later. At 7.30PM
where to go? what to do?
life's so boring with a bf like this.
why cant he just decided everything like a normal guy would?
bet he'll ask me where to have dinner tmr.
& obviously i would choose somewhere cheap, like fastfood.
& window shopping after dinner!
i just hate to walk, do you even know that?
i hate to walk around aimlessly, especially when my legs are in pain.
Bet you dont even know, wouldnt even care.
Guy just like to do certain things their way.

prediction for tonight: freaking bad mood!

i copied this from someone's blog.
couldnt help but feel sad each time i read this.

=================A True Life Reflection================

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. ‘cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have fail to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my kid, and failed to be the dad and mum for my kid.

There was one particular day, when i had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home.. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the ‘problem’…. a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet and blanket!

Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:

“Dad, I was hungry and there wasn’t any more leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But i remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence i turn on the shower and used the hot water fro! m the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till u return. But I forgot to remind you ‘cos I was playing with my toys…I am sorry Dad…”

At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks…but I didn’t want my son to see his dad crying…so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the showerhead on to mask my cries….

After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son’s room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy….

A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he! is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regrets. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son’s absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn’t to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, ‘I am sorry, Dad’. But after much probing, I realized that it was a ‘Talent Show’ organized by his school and the invite is for every student’s mummy and that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy…..

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. ‘cos he makes me proud too!

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It’s winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in every passer-by…xmas carols and frantic shoppers….but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day’s work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn’t help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ‘ I’m sorry, Dad’ and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.

My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: ” But why did you post so many letters, at one time?” My son’s reply was: ” I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once…”

After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say….

I told my son, ” Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promis ing that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldn’t help opening one of the letter before they turned to ash.

And one of the letters broke my heart….

Dear Mummy,

I miss you so much! Today, there was a ‘Talent Show’ in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our! own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear?

After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. ‘cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife…..

For the females with children:

Don’t do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime ma! y not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.

For the married men:

Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients.

Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable.

Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones

1 week break over!
stoned the first few days..
prepared for winnie's surprise birthday celebration
mummy & me had to prepare so secretly, even asking her bf oout in the middle of the night to help us with the shopping.
SAT was the day!
but the STAR was down with fever,probably dengue.
still we continued prepare the stuffs
enjoyed the evening by the beach (:
& yes he(marcus) has seen almost all my relatives.
so unfair..
wonder will i ever see his parents?....
guess we're just too uneducated for u & your family.
probably just me thinking too much.SIGH!

8 more hours & i'll be at CGH awaiting to start my PRCP.
yet to relly study.hope first day will be alright.
shall note down all common ward medication...
hope the staffs are really nice.
oh.i got my schedule already.
first off day this wed.pretty fast, but i'll be so alone on sat
checking out the others schedule too.
they have afternoon shift on saturdays too, but i dont!
YEAH!
3 night shifts on the second last week of my posting
& i think some have more than 3 nights!
LUCKY i only have 3!

checking out some stuffs online before i retire for the night..

someone's home & she complain that she cant get to use HER laptop.
WHATEVER!!


ohoh! thanks HAJAR! for accompanying me walk around tamp just to find shoe
hehe.first time really going shopping with you
meowing all the way.LOL!
we really have no time to meet each other once attachment start
i just found out our shift are all so different!
cant i just change ward with Fadhill or you change with Joyce?!?!
anyways, i miss you, meow!

In fact i miss all my friends who were with me all this 3 years.
most are graduating very very very soon!
happy for them , deep down from within my heart, i swear!
& fidah, all the very very very best for your PRCP.
you'll be doing as good as the staff nurses in no time (:
see you when we go back to NYP on August 6!

whole body aching..& my wrist is still pain after the pole hit my nerve!

like as if you would care!

can i believe him?

he's sick, therefore cant contact me that frequent
am i being too much?
asking for too much?

wanted to send him to work,
wanted to take care of him on thurs,
wanted him to meet my relatives,
wanted him to camp overnight
but...he cant...

i want him to let go.
all these days, weeks, months..
everything isnt the same anymore.
we dont have time for each other now
next few weeks, months will be even worse..

skipped working today at TP today
home the whole day watching dramas onnline on 2 coms :P

sigh..
is it me or there's something really happening?

feeling so uncomfortable now..
hajar was here in the evening
applied for job already, took us hours to submit it!
was chit chatting about everything!
she saw the photos that he took with his ex....
& of cos i saw it to.haiis..
how long do i have to take to forget this?

working tmr at tanjong..
dun feel like going but..no choice..have to finish things for her..
5 more days of rest..
yet i have no time (lazy) to study!!

when will we meet?
HAIS..