the weather was still fine when i reached home
but suddenly it just rained heavily
things always happens before one could even noe of it

im getting more & more sick of my life
not tat im negative bout life, having gone trough some upsetting moments or whatsoever..
the thing is, i tend to think TOO MUCH, it's unhealthy.
this days in the ward i see those old patients, having to go through operations after operations, having illnesses, having tonnes of medications.
i would think, "will i be the 1 lying on the bed when im old?"
i would dread lying dere, hopelessly, fully dependent on the nurses
will my husband, son/daughter ,grandchildren, relatives or friends come to visit me?
or will i lie dere, feeling so lonely?

i hate myself thinking of these negative thoughts
but it's inevitable right?

In the ward, i care for my patients. I treat them as if they were my maternal grandmother. I care for them like how i care for maternal grandmother.
But there will be times when im fed-up, i have the urge to let loose of my temper, to be impatient with those poor elderly ladies.

I believe in karma. I want to treat them well, so tat in future, some nurses will take care of me the way i treated my patients.

im thinking alot right now..thinking bout the way i treated my own younger sister.
she's still young. Stil in her rebellious stage. i should have given in more to her.
perhaps i should really think in her perspective.
These days at home, it's so abnormal. We quarrelled because of some minor stuffs.
If only, i could be more considerate too.
I used to hate people telling me what to, even though i noe they mean well.
I used to hate people for being mean, when im also mean to others.
I used to dislike people when i dislike the look on their faces.
I noe im not good-looking either, but still, im used to it.
Lots of things, i noe..dere's no need for me to give my opinions.
But still, im used to being me.
Im changing, hopefully for the better, trying hard.

Pardon me, my friends.
It's wendy being emo here again.
But, dont ever assume that u understand me.
I really HATE that, & im never gonna change that.


i guess, it's late.
morning shift tmr & i hav another long & tiring day to face.
Oh god, please save me something good.