i need sleep!
one more morning shift & i'm left with 2 afternoons for this week
& it's 2 more weeks till my 1 week break!
yet to do my case study which is due on next monday!

life's not so good this few days.
sigh.
i was waiting for something..
but i dont need that anymore..
just waiting for you to let go.
cos right from the start, u didnt wanted this.
it was a mistake.
let go, find the one that you want.

Hajar bought me a hand held fan ytd
it was a sweet gesture from her.
we are just friends who seldom talk to each other in the past, other than during attachments
but during that 4 weeks break we would meet up to study for the geron posting.
we werent really close, but when she went for holiday in indonesia, she got me a gift.
it made me look back..
being my friends, who once received things from me?
i often thought i was being a good friend.
i dont show my feelings easily, but i do care for my friends.
yet, for some, not even once have they receives anything from me.
with my once close friends from sec sch, most if the time i'm the one receiving cos i'm the youngest among them.
with the group i'm with in wec sch when my close friends graduated, i'm considered the oldest..
but to this 2 groups, i realised somehow i've not been a good friend.
we still contact each other ,meet up once in awhile..
but i least i still get to hang out with them, as a friend..
throughout my poly life, i often hang out with this 2 friends.
with then around, i feel less alone, happier.
without them, i feel so empty. Like a lost sheep wandering.
A RN already. I feel happy for her. Finally graduating after 3 years.
greater responsibilities, more roles..it's hard, but she can do it!
The other is having her attachment now.
exposing herself to more clinical skills & knowledge.
busy reading up on her theories, polishing her skills..
both of them will really be great staff nurses (:
i didnt do anything for them in this 3 years..
i had been a bad friend..
if there's a chance, probably i can get to do things for them.
take care, my darlings (:

sigh.life is just so unpredictable.
today a relative asked me
"how do you feel if anything happens to your patient?"
"you guys dont feel anything right? Because you are not related to them."
It got me shocked.
i know i'm supposed to'cut of ties' with patients if the get discharged or something.
but how can she say we, nurses, dont feel anything?
My patient, under my care, i treat them like my relatives or friends.
even grandmother & grandfathers.
.....
it may be just a simple question.
but it left me thinking alot.
till now, i cant get it right.

following ortho-geron doc for their doctor's round tmr.
hopefully it's Dr.Leong again.
really learnt alot from him during that 1 hour when i followed him(:

ought to sleep!
it's 1am soon!
OMG! got to make sure i dont fall asleep while taking care of pt!