spent 3/4 of my first DO stoning at home
folding all those darned clothes that has been on the sofa for ages!

met him at Raffles City, had dinner at Shokudo( spelt correctly?)
walk around post-dinner
headed back to simei for Starbucks.
stoned there till bout 11, see him board bus before i came home.

im really unsure bout us.
i was really hoping to enjoy the evening with you..
but..i just dunno why..
we planned to meet at city hall, u were at RC's basement when i reached
alright..
i decide the meeting place, u decide the food.
im not that keen to have jap food but seeing u wanted to try, so ya we went in.
was pissed already, and u took super long to get your food.
alright..nevermind..
i felt bad when your food went cold while waiting for mine
& seeing that u made sure the food isnt hot before giving me..
window shopping at RC is alomst same as at Ion
oh yes, im cheap from head to toe, so why bother going places with those high end shops.
that's your heaven, my restricted area.

i dont want u to smoke so waited for bus with you.
i guess, it doesnt help much.
oh ya, which bf will quit smoking for the sake of his gf.
other guys might, definitely not mine.
maybe cos im really not his ultimate one.
Love, is nothing but merely a word.

u wanted to call, but u said u wanted to rest early..
im sorry but i felt kinda sad.
both of us working in the afternoon tmr(or today) & i start work early..
i would sacrifice my sleep to talk to you for hours.
ya thats me if i can. & im not saying u would.
perhaps im really taking up too much of your time
maybe now 15 mins to you is already long enough.
i really dont know how many times im saying this, but i think u really dont need me.
unsure of your feelings, even after so long together..
still feeling so insecure, even after so long together..
i rather cry for that one or two months..than to cry every other day for the rest of the time we are together..
you dont care, isnt it?

your mummy received the card already..
i guessed u've seen it too?
i could only think of those to write.
but it wasnt really what i wanted to write initially.
i was so scared that i would write anything wrong
worrying about this & that..
but you dont care!
why would i even bother to write a card to your mother?
oh fuck! im crying again!

anyways, graduation is over.
been looking at their photos, envy only..
it's so sad not being able to graduate with NR0720 ( especially with fidah & shida)
i really miss them so much, i would have been a solo ninja throughout my 3 years if not for them. but i guess it's all fated
& that i'm too dumb to fail that bloody french becos of the lecturer!
at least they once accompanied me walk to this far...THANK YOU(:
congratulations to shida, officially a NYP graduate
may everything goes well for you in future(:

afternoon shift later on
Hajar afternoon too!
hopefully get to meet her at the busstop after work.
it's really depressing not to see my friends at work..
i dont have anyone to talk to already..
i heard one can aggrevate the cancer cells if he/she always bottle things up.
OMG! cant i die from other illness other than cancer?!

it's getting late, 02:26AM!!
zombie tmr..hais..