i've disappeared for a month now i notice..
many many have had happened
i cant rmb every single thing, the exact thing
but here & there...these things make my heart ache..

we've gone past our 2nd month, into the 3rd..
but things appear to be the same..
not really stagnant though.
so far, i've seen his family & some of his friends
oh recently went to his company's bbq too.

this relationship is what i always wanted
to be accepted by the parents & friends..
but why am i not at all happy?
in fact, i still cry almost every single day..
just to make myself tired & fall aslp..

i cant let go of ur past..i am clinging on to it so tightly that i find myself fucking annoying!
i hate this wendy. FUCKING HATE THIS WENDY!
i really cant let go..
to the point whereby i wanna let u go so tat i cant let ur past go too..
i'm very bothered bout ur past..bothered bout ur current?
bothered bout our future...
bcos i bother..i cant see myself fulfilling that dream tat we have..

ya u are not bothered.
as if i believe!
those things u still kept..the cards the letters..the ring...
why can u throw away the (black) ring so effortlessly but not the one u have with sf?
I'M BOTHERED BOUT IT!!
i will return the book + cards/letters to u soon..
without u knowing obviously..
& im sorry..i've been trying my best not to let myself get to affected...
i cant go back to be the wendy u first noe.
just let me act as if i dunno anything
but not act as if i hadnt seen anything.
tat's why they say.. curiousity kills the cat.


[Girls never tell a guy not to leave you in anyway, but tell yourself you should nv leave your life for a guy in any way,]

Someone told me: "when both love each other, they understand each other, they give and take, they think of his/her partner first before thinking for herself/himself"

Trying my ultimate best to do so..